Later this week, it will be the first anniversary of my daughter Georgina’s death. For Georgina’s funeral, I wanted to write a poem about her, but – so mammoth was the task of encapsulating my fierce, delicate girl- I failed miserably to come up with any words about her at all.
Over the last twelve months, I have written and written, because it’s what Georgina wanted for me and it somehow seems to help with the pain. My desk has crumpled notebooks spilling out of its every orifice. Short stories and small-to-medium-sized poems about anything and everything. All of them are, of course, imbued with my sense of loss and my love for Georgina. When I write about a flower or a storm or monsters, I’m really processing what happened to her – describing a part of our experience, albeit in a round-the-houses way. But each time I try to face Georgina’s memory head-on, it’s like I’m dazzled and she disappears into a sunspot, where I can’t quite grasp her, no matter how I flap around.
So, I am setting myself the challenge of looking directly at my shining daughter – with special specs, if necessary. I will hold her gaze, even if it makes my eyes water. I will write ‘that’ poem – one that is actually ‘about’ her . This is my promise to myself and to my daughter. Hold me to it.
Dear Helen, maybe you haven’t written a poem yet about or for Georgina, but although I only met you, Paul and Georgina once in my old shop when she came to sing and play guitar for us, I feel that I know you all well as close friends. What you have shared on Facebook and in your blogs and the times we have chatted in messenger, or on status comments, reveals so much about you and for those of us who hadn’t had chance to get to know her personally, but had met her, our ideas of what an amazing young woman Georgina was, are confirmed in what you have written and shared in other ways about her so far.
I’m sure there is so much more you want to say though, and it may never come, and just expressing how difficult it is for you to do so, and get it just right, explains to me for one, so much about Georgina and how special she is, and will always be. She won’t ever be forgotten you know, and everything she was, and stood for will always inspire us. Lots of love Sarah Niamh and Joe xxx